Brian Regan - Pop Tarts | Regan Tour | Comedy Central

What's funnier than one Brian? Two Brians!

Simplicity. For mass appeal. Like a rodeo or a wizard.

How about the bird noises? Add the bird noises.

Brian's Standing Up DVD is available now along with his CC Presents special.

Brian realized early on that he could never hold down a job that he had to wake up at 7 a.m. for.

When you accidentally joke about a dead whale, you may as well just say goodnight.

If a big guy wearing flannel tells you to do a joke, you do that joke for him right there, right then.

You can't have steak and potatoes, but you can have a lemon rind and raison skins.

That's not a nautilus machine. That's the painter scaffolding.

You don't want to fail and wind up with coke bottle glasses.

How do you come up with the idea to kidnap Russell Crowe?

The old Cuban men who played dominos in downtown Miami didn't say the things Brian learned in Spanish class.

Brian wrote a few lines for "Planet of the Apes" that got cut from the shooting script.

If you're a newspaper editor and you want Brian to know what's going on, you put a picture of it on the front page.

Brian would probably watch "Dora the Explorer" even if he didn't have kids.

The synopsis on the back is longer than the book.

Careful! We're sharing the road with show horses!

Sorry you're feeling so blank inside. I feel like that sometimes myself.

We found a big pile of money, and we're divvying it up for all of you. Sorry for the delay.

Brian isn't fluent in English, but knows enough to get by.

You'll answer all my butterfly questions? All of them?

Serving sizes are just too small.

Dairy products equal happiness.

Pop Tarts really aren't that hard to make.

Yoga is way less doable than you would think.

It's easier to look dumb at the gym than it is to work out.

The World's Strongest Man competition is truly bizarre.

People who are into food combinations are nuts.

Different regions use strange terms for food.

Eye examinations are very intimidating

Eye doctors can make you feel self-conscious.

Evel Knievel divulges his innermost thoughts through Brian Regan.

The object of the bike ramp is for a kid to ride as fast as he can and see how far he can go.

Dumb donkeys refuse to apply themselves.

To receive your California driver's license you don't need thumbs.

Brian can order food in English.

Flights are never delayed for good reasons.

The baggage claim office must not be a happy place to work.

"Blank Inside" greeting cards are a scam.

Brian wants a piece of the baby book-writing financial pie.

Who has ever heard a dog say, "Bow wow"?

Brian brainstorms questions about butterflies.

Brian's son gives him a joke for his career.

We are not honoring Albert Einstein properly.

Brian loves watching "Antiques Roadshow."

You have to admire the guy who listens closely to ambient noises on golf telecasts.

Politicians are great at not answering questions.

The Kennedys talk in flip flops.

It's important to have newscasters who care.

Always check the pressure before drinking from a water fountain.

When Evel Knievel goes on a talk show, why do they always show his wipeout footage?

Watching people fish can be better than doing it yourself.

The donut lady has the toughest job.

Never assume a woman is pregnant just by looking at her.