Jim Norton | The Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget | Comedy Central

Jim Norton recites an extended homage to Cloris Leachman's ladyparts.

If you're slingshotting a tiger and that tiger eats you, that's not an accident -- that's karma.

Have you ever lied about anything to your girlfriend? Like disease test results?

My friend told me to run right at the bear if it attacks me.

My comedian friends root for me to do bad so I can be where they are.

If you want to make it in comedy, you have to sacrifice your social life.

I walked off stage after six minutes, started crying and thought that my career was over.

Just when you thought Hillary Clinton was dead and you wouldn't have to listen to her any more, she comes right back.

At 3:00 in the morning you can get truck tires, falafel and a bag of heroin.

Jim thinks skiers deserve to die.

Jim's buddy wonders about flying stand-by.

Jim talked up a plus size model at a bar.

A Muslim woman wants to wear her veil in her driver's license photo.

Jim Norton is not impressed with your ethnicity.

Jim saw a woman almost get killed in the same spot as JFK.

There are two types of men: guys who ask their girlfriends about their sexual histories and guys who don't.

It wasn't until Jim had a girlfriend that he realized his apartment looked like it was inhabited by a 12-year-old retard.

One good thing about Islamic terrorism: white people and black people are a lot happier to see each other in airports.

Jim gets a dignified photo taken of himself on the exact spot in Dallas where JFK was assassinated.