Carlos Mencia - Michael Vick | Carlos Mencia: Performance Enhanced | Comedy Central

Welcome to Juan-in-the-Box, can I take your order, please?

Carlos explains border politics, north and south.

That's an army, ladies and gentlemen!

Somebody has to design military uniforms for every environment.

You women, all you have to do in relationships is just stand there.

How cool is it that we are this close to putting a black dude in the White House?

Women, you know that men want one thing and one thing only.

Advice to Latinos landing in the Middle East -- don't be afraid. These people look a lot like your family.

30 percent of the military is Latino. We can fit everybody in one building!

I want to fight side-by-side with a gay guy who loves me, so when the enemy shoots, he takes it personally.

Seeing a woman wearing a burka in real life is the creepiest thing imaginable.

The majority of white people are not racist. You're not like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Vegetarians annoy me about as much as that itch I get on the bottom of my testicles.

I know some of you are shocked, because you thought your beef was committing suicide, but that's not how it works.

I remember a time when superheroes used to be superheroes.

I go to sleep before the sun goes down in February because I don't even want to think darkness.

White people, if you vote the black guy in as president, black people can no longer play the race card.

See what happens when we're honest with each other, people?

You can't have feelings in America anymore.

Venting is good for your health.

Move, jackass!

Women can reach orgasm quickly if they want.

America has got it all.

Some of you think you have fun, but you don't.

Hook yourself up with some KFC, dog.

Life doesn't end with one big joke.

San Francisco needs to name its neighborhoods properly.

For every race, there are different levels within it.

Deporting illegal aliens might make it hard for America to build that border fence.

White people have no business driving a car sponsored by Home Depot.

All the terrorists that have tried to cross the Mexican border have been caught for a reason.

If you're afraid of your plane being hijacked, fly Southwest Airlines.

America already has an atomic bomb and has used it -- twice.

It shouldn't be wrong to assume the pope is in heaven having sex.

Just because someone's not crying at this movie doesn't mean they're not touched by Jesus Christ.

Stop crying. This movie has a happy ending.

Carlos Mencia sees disabled people for who they really are.

It's a little different making fun of mentally challenged people when they make up the entire audience.

Men may be gross, but so are women. They just don't admit it.