Robert Kelly - Video Games | Comedy Central Presents | Comedy Central

I was having dinner with a buddy of mine and I actually caught him staring at my tits.

Hey, we took chicken and put cake in it, is that cool?

The famous comedian you are trying to call is not available at this number.

Robert does a little expectations managing of his own.

Vote for the guy you can fantasize about in the tub or the shower.

I used to be sexy when I had hair.

Improv is not a great thing to do in front of 40,000 people waiting for Phish to come out.

I go back to my room at the hotel and order $40 worth of Chinese food.

Why are you applauding? She could be a jerk. You don't know her.

She got a poem to help remind me to wipe the seat when I'm done.

My wife cheats when she argues. She uses her brain.

Sex in movies looks cool until you actually try some of that stuff.

She pushes my face into the pillow and tells me not to speak.

I used to get a scrunchie before we had sex.

Real love is when you accept each other for the pieces of crap you really are.

Jeff tells us how to initiate a road rage incident.

Buying clothes sucks when you're fat.

Robert's favorite dessert is Satan Ass Fudge Chunk.

Robert's fiance hates that he sleeps fully naked with socks on.

If Robert wants to wipe the seat, he'll wipe it with his socks.

Even when Robert's girl is wrong, she'll still get him to say sorry.

Robert Kelly still plays video games in his socks and underwear.

Bugs fly in your ass when you have sex outside.

Robert had a romantic proposal in Aruba all planned out.

Robert used to be good at sex.

Robert knew his girlfriend loved him when he accidentally crapped his pants.

Fall got its name because that's what leaves do.