Lewis Black Interview, Pt. 1 | Last Laugh | Comedy Central

See a preview of the unedited, uncensored interview with Lewis Black exclusively on comedycentral.com.

Lewis Black tells us the difference between a candidate and a comic.

Lewis takes us through the candidates, and confirms that we're screwed.

Lewis' advice for politicians: if you say it enough, it becomes the truth.

Lewis sits down to answer four pages of viewers' questions and decides that, if that's the level of interest in him, his career must be over.

People think if it doesn't get better in life, it's gotta get better in the afterlife.

Lewis would like to take a great ape, shave him, put him in a Confederate uniform and install him in the office of the president.

Lewis thinks the New York Times should publish John McCain's editorial. They didn't print anything worthwhile about WMDs, so why not just print whatever crap they get?

If Lewis could eat any historical figure, he would probably eat Marie Antoinette.

It's great to know that the "Can You Hear Me Now" guy is recording my phone sex calls for customer satisfaction.

I'm sure there are people who would disagree with me. Those people are idiots.

The government is spending millions of dollars to send you a check. Maybe they can forward it to the shelter you're living in.

Maybe the solution isn't for America to get slimmer, but for other countries to get fatter.

This year's $600 tax rebate is equal to one cupcake a day.

When the Greeks invented democracy, did they know it would end up with the girl from "Ugly Betty" endorsing Hillary Clinton?

We'll never attack North Korea, because they're the most evil people on the planet.

I know you wake up everyday going, "Goddamn it, nothing's gonna happen!"

We care so much about health that we've destroyed water.

We can access three million vaginas in two minutes, but veterans can't get their checks.

Lewis' comedy career progressed like an epileptic in a long-distance marathon.

Walls haven't worked -- not since they invented planes.

The end of the universe is a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks.

God looked down and saw no stew in the kitchen and said "I will smote them."

Lewis debunks the myth that Chanukah lasts 8 days.

2005 was a lot of fun if you like swimming through crap.

Not a president who's a Democrat, and not a president who's a Republican...

Lewis can't remember a moment in 2005 when he wasn't silently weeping for the plight of humanity.

The only time he's alive is when he's in front of a camera.

Lewis reveals the truth about the red carpet.

They're so cold, they can't do anything. They can't even shiver.

The saddest thing of all about this story is that Lewis has to talk about it.

He flies BUSINESS CLASS!!???!!

How come Lewis doesn't get an African baby?

Was there a rash of flag-burnings that Lewis didn't know about?

Just because a man makes money, it doesn't mean he's a genius!

How does Lewis Black feel about Ellen Degeneres' dog?

Lewis Black nominates the one 2008 presidential candidate who will bring us together and unleashes on the party faithful.

Lewis Black wonders why vets can't get their checks when we can download porn in a second.

People have finally achieved the intelligence of polar bears.

We went through five and a half trillion dollars in two years and nobody explained where it went.

Let's get a bunch of people together to build something already.

You don't even have to say, "Dick Cheney, the guy who shot his friend in the face."

I gave President Bush a lot of rope -- and he hung all of us with it.

Meteorologist is just another word for liar.

Lewis experiences five seasons in four days.

Lewis doesn't trust sun block.

Nyquil is the only thing that tastes like red and green.

Lewis knows how people get aneurysms.

If curling is an Olympic sport, oral sex should be too.

Which Bill Clinton is real?

America has done fine without a leader.

This was the worst New Year's ever.

Hillary Clinton makes Lewis Black feel guilty.

"Tipper" is not a proper woman's name.

Ross Perot looks like the kid in 'Deliverance' all grown up.

A school system has to be pretty bad to rank 50th.

America should punish the state that gave us Bill Clinton.

It's important for man to have a ritual.

Halftime has gotten exponentially worse every year.

How long does it take you Christians to shop?

We celebrate Hanukkah with tiny pissant candles.

Lewis found the end of the universe in Houston, Texas.

Jerry Falwell snapped the hardest after 9/11.

People deal with trauma differently.

Lewis Black is a prick.

The Veterans Administration doesn't have computers.

This generation will not see an alternative form of energy.

These are not fun times for our country.

Every Halloween, people look at candy corn as if they had never seen it before.

Lewis goes to sporting events to scream.

You can do anything you want in New York.

That platypus is tasty.

We don't have seasons anymore because we lost the ozone layer.

Jews will take time out of their Jewy day to help you interpret the Old Testament if the price is right.