Gina Brillon - New Yorkers | Live at Gotham | Comedy Central

You know what? You look just like Count Chocula.

The day I locked my keys in the car with the engine running, I knew I could have kids.

My friends are starting to get married, and I'm starting to get tired of pretending I'm happy for them.

I wanna be the only Arabic-looking guy who can dance without holding a rifle over his head.

You don't look gangsta with your seatbelt on.

Yeah, we're gonna teach them English. Chinese isn't loaded in like an iMac.

It's really hard being a single mom... which is why I don't have kids.

Do you think pigs realize how delicious they are?

You can't believe that she's not paying attention to the fact that you're not paying attention.

When he went home to visit his parents, Doug Mellard learned that he can still fit in his old Cub Scout uniform.

I think I was standing where he normally pees.

Florida is a No Fault State? Then why would it be my fault?

Having gay roommates is like living in Pottery Barn.

Wanna come re-pipe my house for me? It'll be great exposure.

Those pretty birds you like so much –- they have the flu.

You should pre-drink at gay bars to build up your self-esteem.

Do you have any friends who think they're way better looking than they are?

Really? You like Short Circuit? The book is better.

A better name would be "Spend the Child Support."

If he wanted to talk whiter, he'd have to break into Old English.

You're making a racist gift basket? Oh, ya gotta have Kool-Aid.

Female bodybuilders can't have babies. They have testicles.

In San Francisco, you don't have to write jokes. You just have to wake up and look.

Does daddy like it when all this silverware into this bag?.

You don't have to warn me about nudity. That's my favorite thing in the world.

There's no way those Meth heads got a better grade in Chemistry than I did.

Life is like a big unopened box of condoms. It's full of hope.

Nobody ever comes over your house and says, "Hey man! Let's look at some pornography!"

I'm Russian because have a horrible case of the Trotskys.

Freddy doing Shaquille O'Neal doing Will Smith.

That's not my daughter; I just collect naked baby pictures.

I'm willing to risk catching crabs from my pants in exchange for a discount.

Just let your three-piece set duck out the side accidentally on purpose.

Read Chapters 1 through 3, and then stop. Don't come in asking questions.

We can access three million vaginas in two minutes, but veterans can't get their checks.

Do you know how hard it is to watch the Lakers when people are having sex next door?

I'm sure the mountain loves you and your defecation every fifteen feet.

When I say gay phase, I mean I dated and slept with men.

I'll wait in line to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter. That's how I roll.

The great thing about camping is you can be drunk and have dirty feet and still hook up.

You forget to pull out one time, and now you're labeled a "father."

God, this is way better than when Uncle Perry hugs me!

What is with that post-break-up phone call you always get a month later?

His army really just looked like a bunch of gay guys waiting in line at Starbucks.

No, no, no! Let it happen. He wants this. Take out your teeth. He likes a smooth ride.

Stop treating us like women and start treating us like pieces of meat.

You only get six months for doing motel gynecological exams.

Mice don't wanna be seen any more than you wanna see them.