Tosh.0 Blog

WTFriday

Joselyn Hughes — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:00:58 +0000

I'm going to be spending my weekend wondering why this is a real thing. Ouch.

Think you can explain it? Tell us in the comments.

On Wearing Sunglasses While Internet Browsing

Chris Lesinski — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:00:39 +0000

This man. Do you see this man? Do you see the glasses he's wearing? They are computer glasses. Have you heard of these?

We'd all like to see the world through rose-colored glasses. Apparently, the internet is best through piss-colored glasses.

These are glasses — specially tinted glasses — designed for viewing a computer screen. The yellow tint is designed to reduce "eyestrain" and provide other pseudo-scientific benefits like MORE ENERGY! Yes, tinted glasses can do these sorts of things. You just have to believe. In homeopathy.

But don't take my word for it! Take their word for it! Here are some of the technologies that the manufacturer (Gunnar) uses:

diAMIX™ lens material offers an optically pure viewing experience with ultra-light, ergonomic properties;

iONik™ lens tint takes artificial light and precisely tunes it to the physiology of the eye;

fRACTYL™ lens geometry mimics nature to aid the natural focusing power of the corneal lens and creates a preferential ocular microclimate.

i-Fi™ lens coatings capture good light from digital screens while filtering out glare and reflective light;

Pretty serious, huh? "i-Fi" is a hip trademark in so many different ways. They're lucky they got that one.

But even if you buy their pitch and choose to get a pair, it probably doesn't matter. Remember: Girls who wear glasses seldom get passes. Geeks don't get passes either way.

The Internet is Like Addictive Drugs

Chris Lesinski — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:00:34 +0000

There's a pretty swell list of how popular internet things compare to their addictive drug counterparts. It's got MySpace as "huffing spray paint" because it "destroys any chance of looking credible" and Vimeo as a good tab of acid. And, indeed, YouTube can ruin a party as bad as a bottle of tequila. But I definitely have some trouble with them comparing Tumblr to a nice bottle of wine. Here's how he explains it:

A quiet night in with a couple friends, and a couple of their friends. Spilling nostalgic stories, flipping through photo albums, singing favorite songs, aiming for poignancy, and occasionally stumbling onto it. Emotions flow freely and without thought.

Ok, but why the nice bottle of wine? You couldn't have this same event with a cheap bottle of wine? Or any bottle of wine? Or any alcohol for that matter? Suddenly, because you're a Tumblr fanboy, it's a bottle of Opus One. Get over yourself.

[via BuzzFeed]

There Are No Stupid Questions?: Cat Eyes

Chris Lesinski — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:00:14 +0000

Or — Why are their eyes in the right place FOR THE HOLES IN THEIR FUR?

No matter how you ask it, the coincidence is puzzling. Leave your explanations for this evolution puzzle in the comments.

OC Woman Asks for Google Surveillance

Chris Lesinski — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:00:19 +0000

Yesterday, a woman in Orange County called the cops after hearing a noise downstairs. It was probably the sound of her gold-plated dishwasher running, but she suspected it was a burglar.

Okay –- fair enough -– I’m fine with her calling the police for the occasional frivolous incident since she probably paid for the whole police department with the luxury taxes on her nose job.

But here’s when things got a little ridiculous. According to the OC Register, after the police checked out her home, finding no evidence of a break-in, she “requested that the deputies Google Earth her house and keep it on satellite surveillance overnight.”

I’m kind of surprised she hadn’t already bought a hybrid-electric-powered satellite space telescope from Hammacher Schlemmer to watch over her estate. Everyone has one of those.

I guess she presumed that kind of Enemy of the State technology was just a standard government service. I mean, they even get that kind of service in Iran for free. Like, from the CIA.

Tosh.0 Idol Results

Joselyn Hughes — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:00:10 +0000

In one of the best Tosh.0 Idols we've had in awhile, (click HERE to see it) we've got our winner. It's hitmanbreakeroftheye who has 143 more amazing videos of his amazing singing up and ready to watch online.

I think I'll have him take us out on his "interesting" rendition of the classic "Happy Birthday To You," which normally comes in around 15 seconds, but he magically makes it over three minutes. Because he's magical. Enjoy!

If Earth Had Rings Like Saturn

Mike Pomranz — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:00:35 +0000

We spend a lot of time poking fun at stuff on the Internet, but some things you find are just cool… like the animation above.

The video shows what one animator believes the Earth would look like if our planet had rings like Saturn. I'm not a master of astronomy, and I'm not sure of this person's credentials, but the way the whole thing is put together, it's a pretty convincing visual display. And quite stunning as well.

The one problem I see, though, is that on Earth we don't constantly have Schubert music playing in the background. Somehow I feel like this whole presentation would be less impressive with "Empire State of Mind" as the soundtrack.

Though if there is one person who I think could help us get rings around the Earth, it would be Jay-Z. That guy can do anything! Or so he says in his raps. Now's your chance to prove it, dude!

[via The Daily What]

Facebook Can Ruin Your Medical Claims

Mike Pomranz — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:00:18 +0000

What's the big news story in Canada this week? A goose died?!

Hahaha.

Probably. But also, a woman from Quebec who had been on long-term sick leave for major depression is fighting to have her benefits reinstated after her insurance company canceled them, primarily due to photos they found of her on Facebook.

As CBC News reports, the alleged photos showed her "having a good time at a Chippendales bar show, at her birthday party and on a sun holiday."

To be fair, I've been to a lot of male strip clubs and they are all very depressing. But you can't fault her insurance company for drawing these conclusions. As usual, use common sense when posting photos to Facebook, especially if your primary source of income is a long-term disability claim against a former employer.

For example, if you claim to have lost an arm at work, don't post any pictures clearly depicting yourself having multiple arms. If you've claimed that you are paralyzed from the waist down, avoid uploading any video content of you playing two-on-two wiffle ball (or any stick and ball game for the matter).

Yes, depression is a different kind of illness. It's hard to diagnose just by looking at someone's photos. But social networking is one of happiest activities anyone can partake in. The joy of constantly approving friend requests from people you don't even remember and sorting through a thousand event invitations to thing you don't care about.

Actually, now that I think about it, if you believe you are depressed, it's probably best to avoid Facebook all together, not only for the good of your benefits, but for your own good as well.

Screw With the Internet, Have Your Life Ruined

Mike Pomranz — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:00:15 +0000

"Post a vulgar comment while you’re at work, lose your job."

That title started it all.

The quickest recap possible: Kurt Greenbaum, Director of social media at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch (seen above), became so upset with a vulgar commenter that he tracked down the person who left the comment via an IP address. The commenter, who worked at a school, was confronted and immediately resigned.

Certainly, this episode seems like a pretty severe breach of Internet decorum — never turn anonymous commenting into an IRL interaction. But what really ticked people off was the article Greenbaum wrote, mentioned above, where he essential brags about how he was able to keep "a vulgar expression for a part of a woman’s anatomy" out of his blog's comments with the very righteous side effect of helping a man lose his job.

Look, Kurt, I'm sure you fancy yourself some sort of Batman of the world wide web, tracking down evil wherever it lurks, but as a "director of social media" I assume you've been on the Internet before. You know what kind of crap goes on there? All sorts of it! I mean, you've seen 2 Girls 1 Cup right? By the look in your eyes I'm assuming you've seen it many times.

If getting the "p-word" or the "c-word" (whichever it was) off your blog is that big of a deal to you, you're in the wrong industry. Heck, your average blog would probably need an entire dedicated staff to keep all the profane and racist stuff off their comments' section that the blogosphere gets attacked with every day.

Additionally, unlike Batman, who had maybe a handful of villains to battle, by turning against the Internet, you have now unleashed a team of millions of arch enemies who will do anything possible to ruin your life.

If one man can track down another man via an IP address and get him fired from his job, I'm sure a million men can track down one man via Google and whatnot and then order at least ten of pizzas to his house!

How the heck you gonna eat ten pizzas?!?!

Do not leave anything offensive in this post's comments or I will come to your front door with a flaming bag of dog poo! That's how you get revenge, Greenbaum. I'm old skool!

Last Week's Challenge Recap

Joselyn Hughes — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:00:30 +0000

On last week's show, Daniel Tosh challenged you guys to do a couple things: guess his and comedian Todd Glass' lemonade boarding safeword, and create your own remix of Sittin' on a Toilet. Since most of your safeword guesses turned out to be just your chance to curse and say vile things in a public forum, I'm going to pass on posting those and go straight to the toilet humor. Get it?

You guys did great! HustleUnion sent us THIS awesome remix, Urlesque posted a bunch of remixes on their site after we aired, and then there's this BABY:

Thanks everyone! Keep sittin' on that toilet until we come back for Season 2!