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November 20, 2009 at 1:00pm

If Earth Had Rings Like Saturn

Posted by: Mike Pomranz

We spend a lot of time poking fun at stuff on the Internet, but some things you find are just cool… like the animation above.

The video shows what one animator believes the Earth would look like if our planet had rings like Saturn.  I'm not a master of astronomy, and I'm not sure of this person's credentials, but the way the whole thing is put together, it's a pretty convincing visual display.  And quite stunning as well.

The one problem I see, though, is that on Earth we don't constantly have Schubert music playing in the background.  Somehow I feel like this whole presentation would be less impressive with "Empire State of Mind" as the soundtrack.

Though if there is one person who I think could help us get rings around the Earth, it would be Jay-Z.  That guy can do anything!  Or so he says in his raps.  Now's your chance to prove it, dude!

[via The Daily What]

November 20, 2009 at 12:00pm

Facebook Can Ruin Your Medical Claims

Posted by: Mike Pomranz

party

What's the big news story in Canada this week?  A goose died?!

Hahaha.

Probably.  But also, a woman from Quebec who had been on long-term sick leave for major depression is fighting to have her benefits reinstated after her insurance company canceled them, primarily due to photos they found of her on Facebook.

As CBC News reports, the alleged photos showed her "having a good time at a Chippendales bar show, at her birthday party and on a sun holiday."

To be fair, I've been to a lot of male strip clubs and they are all very depressing.  But you can't fault her insurance company for drawing these conclusions.  As usual, use common sense when posting photos to Facebook, especially if your primary source of income is a long-term disability claim against a former employer.

For example, if you claim to have lost an arm at work, don't post any pictures clearly depicting yourself having multiple arms.  If you've claimed that you are paralyzed from the waist down, avoid uploading any video content of you playing two-on-two wiffle ball (or any stick and ball game for the matter).

Yes, depression is a different kind of illness.  It's hard to diagnose just by looking at someone's photos.  But social networking is one of happiest activities anyone can partake in.  The joy of constantly approving friend requests from people you don't even remember and sorting through a thousand event invitations to thing you don't care about.

Actually, now that I think about it, if you believe you are depressed, it's probably best to avoid Facebook all together, not only for the good of your benefits, but for your own good as well.

November 20, 2009 at 11:00am

Screw With the Internet, Have Your Life Ruined

Posted by: Mike Pomranz

kurt-greenbaum

"Post a vulgar comment while you’re at work, lose your job."

That title started it all.

The quickest recap possible: Kurt Greenbaum, Director of social media at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch (seen above), became so upset with a vulgar commenter that he tracked down the person who left the comment via an IP address.  The commenter, who worked at a school, was confronted and immediately resigned.

Certainly, this episode seems like a pretty severe breach of Internet decorum — never turn anonymous commenting into an IRL interaction.  But what really ticked people off was the article Greenbaum wrote, mentioned above, where he essential brags about how he was able to keep "a vulgar expression for a part of a woman’s anatomy" out of his blog's comments with the very righteous side effect of helping a man lose his job.

Look, Kurt, I'm sure you fancy yourself some sort of Batman of the world wide web, tracking down evil wherever it lurks, but as a "director of social media" I assume you've been on the Internet before.  You know what kind of crap goes on there?  All sorts of it!  I mean, you've seen 2 Girls 1 Cup right?  By the look in your eyes I'm assuming you've seen it many times.

If getting the "p-word" or the "c-word" (whichever it was) off your blog is that big of a deal to you, you're in the wrong industry.  Heck, your average blog would probably need an entire dedicated staff to keep all the profane and racist stuff off their comments' section that the blogosphere gets attacked with every day.

Additionally, unlike Batman, who had maybe a handful of villains to battle, by turning against the Internet, you have now unleashed a team of millions of arch enemies who will do anything possible to ruin your life.

If one man can track down another man via an IP address and get him fired from his job, I'm sure a million men can track down one man via Google and whatnot and then order at least ten of pizzas to his house!

How the heck you gonna eat ten pizzas?!?!

Do not leave anything offensive in this post's comments or I will come to your front door with a flaming bag of dog poo!  That's how you get revenge, Greenbaum.  I'm old skool!

November 19, 2009 at 3:00pm

Incredible Photos Made Without Photoshop

Posted by: Mike Pomranz

Say-NO-to-Photoshop-Do-Forced-Perspectives-holding

Bored Panda recently posted an article on "25 Incredible Photos Made Without Photoshop."

They open with the following question: "Aren’t you tired of all those digitally dog-on-moonmodified photoshopped pictures?"

To which I must respond: Hell no.

In fact, let me raise another question: Has a dog ever been to the moon?

No.  But would I want to see a dog on the moon?

Hell yes.

Oh, and thanks to Photoshop, I can.

Check out the photo to the right.  It's a mutha-f"in' dog on the mutha-f'in' moon!

What do you think of that?  You think it's totally awesome?  Well so do I.  And you know why it's able to be totally awesome… because of Photoshop.

The perspective photo at the top.  Lame.

Photoshop makes our fat celebrities bearable to look at and turns the primary source-based reality of history into a total freakin' mess.

Long live, Photoshop.

November 19, 2009 at 12:00pm

The Ten Most Influential Internet Moments of the Decade According to Me

Posted by: Mike Pomranz

top-10-to-me

As we approach 2010, more and more sites are doing their decade retrospectives.

The Webby Awards just released their list of "The Ten Most Influential Internet Moments of the Decade."

The list is interesting and relatively accurate, I guess.  Problem is, not much of it is stuff that really effected my life.  "Iranian election protests?"  Yawn.  I wasn't even registered to vote in Iran.

So, with that comedic premise, here are the most important Internet moments of the decade… according to me!

  1. I discover users on Napster had changed their Radiohead songs to "Rodeohead" songs — allowing me to illegally download Kid A despite Napster's new anti-piracy filtering system.
  2. Myspace adds new privacy settings, lowering my ability to stalk people online.
  3. The country's obsession with online poker teaches me how to lose thousands of dollars gambling from the privacy of my own home.
  4. A friend sends me a link to view March Madness on the CBS website, allowing me to watch the NCAA college basketball tournament at work, lowering my productivity effectively to zero.
  5. Utilizing instant messaging and Papa John's website, I convince my sister to buy me a pizza despite us living over a thousand miles apart.
  6. I am informed via email that I will be receiving a life changing sum of $1.000.000,00 American dollars from a rich Nigerian diplomat.
  7. After a single attempt at online dating, I quickly learn why people do not use online dating and vow never to do it again.
  8. Online music retailers such as iTunes provide a worldwide outlet for my band to distribute our music, giving us access to markets that previously would have never been available to us.  We earn $26.
  9. Signing up for Twitter — like Facebook, Myspace and Friendster before it — lowers my self-esteem by once again proving that I have less friends than anyone else I know.
  10. I get a job blogging for a living.  The rope I use to attempt to hang myself is too long.  Will try again in the 2010s.

What is your most important Internet moment of the 2000s?  Tell us in the comments.

November 19, 2009 at 11:00am

Youth Soccer Fail

Posted by: Mike Pomranz

Alright, world.  The above video of a young soccer goalie scoring on herself is kind of funny and kind of cute.

But is it 300,000 views worth of funny?

According to it's statistics and data, this movie really took off around November 15th.  That means this video has been watched over 50,000 times a day for the past few days.

The video is so popular even some PETA supporter is trying to milk it in an attempt to spread their message of animal love.

So the real score here is against animal cruelty.  Which means everyone's a winner.

Oh, except for the little girl's team.  They lost by exactly one goal.  Her father beat her severely.  So, ironically, child abuse is still on the rise.

[via Arbroath]

November 19, 2009 at 10:00am

Scroll Clock

Posted by: Mike Pomranz

scroll-clock

Wondering what time it is?

Why don't you check out this clock made entirely out of scroll bars!

What's that?  You don't want to check out this clock made entirely out of scroll bars because that is the stupidest, most unnecessary thing you've ever heard of in your entire life and you're 86 years old and lived through the slap bracelet craze??

Fair enough.

I dug extremely deep trying to find out the reason behind "Scroll Clock."  I think I clicked through about seven "via" links and nothing.  Even the official blog post by the designer doesn't provide much insight.

"I played with MooTools a bit and did that. Useless, opensource, nerdy."

Well, I agree with the first of your three points.

[via The Daily What]

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