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March 19, 2010 at 7:00pm
WTFridayPosted by: Mike PomranzI'm going to be spending my weekend wondering why this is a real thing. Think you can explain it? Tell us in the comments. Want to extend your weekend? Check out previous WTFridays!
March 19, 2010 at 6:00pm
Rename This Video: Tarzan Learns To SwingPosted by: Mike PomranzWe're changing Rename This Video! Starting this week, you'll have the weekend to submit your titles and then on Tuesdays at noon we'll post our favorites and let you vote on the best. We'll announce the winner of the poll back here on Monday. Awesome, right! Not really?? Whatever. The video above is called "Tarzan Learns To Swing." That's almost as bad as this kid's attempt to avoid crashing into that tree. Let's come up with a better joke, guys. Think you got a funnier name for this video? Let us know in the comments! Then check back on Tuesday at noon for the vote off! Last week's video was "Montame si te atreves" — featuring a horse falling over backwards to hurt a jockey. A couple of you suggested this might be the horse's version of a "Surprise Trust Fall." Ha! That's show relevant. Good stuff! But I really like Dave's perverted suggestion of "Horse Gets Jockey Off" because it's a bestiality joke. Good work, Dave! You're a sicko.
March 19, 2010 at 3:00pm
'Viral' Video FailPosted by: Mike Pomranz
Oh, Coffee Bean. You came so close… The grainy, shaky footage from a hand-held recorder. The across the street choice of location. The simple, improvisational acting and choice of performers. You almost created a believable "viral" video with your "Coffee Bean vs. Tea Leaf" fight. Almost. But you made one big slip up. You posted the video to a YouTube account called TheCoffeeBeanTeaLeaf with your corporate logo attached to it. An account littered with other corporate videos like "Coffee Roasting @ The Coffee Bean®." Well done. That's like doing perfect clean up after you kill someone, but when you get called in for questioning, you have the murder weapon in your pocket. Well done, marketing team. [via Amy Oops]
March 19, 2010 at 12:00pm
Tosh.0 Caption Challenge Results: Fish WalkingPosted by: Mike Pomranz
We received hundreds of comments for our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge. After much deliberation, we picked the following caption from a comment left by Adam. Don't laugh. His wife is at home drowning the dog. Thanks to everyone who submitted! Check back Monday at 4 pm for another edition the Tosh.0 Caption Challenge! And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text TOSH to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.
March 19, 2010 at 11:00am
Do You Love the Hits of the 80s?Posted by: Mike Pomranz
Ha. Then you also like poop. The guy who registered this domain thought he was buying "80 Shits dot com," but ironically, the blog was still supposed to be about 80s music. Take that, Escape Club! Wild Wild West, my ass! [via Skull Swap]
March 18, 2010 at 6:00pm
Golden Grahams Knows About UnemploymentPosted by: Mike PomranzAlright, follow me on this one… Golden Grahams — yes, the cereal — has started their Golden Grant program at GoldenGrant.com. The idea is — and pay close attention because this is TOTALLY LOGICAL — that it's hard to find a job in these tough economic times, so Golden Grahams is giving you the opportunity to win 12 free boxes of Golden Grahams — since you "can't succeed on an empty stomach" — if you share with them your "ridiculous job search story," which, by the way, they might animate into viral videos "so that other jobseekers can laugh along too." Yikes. Apparently, the stoners who eat Golden Grahams actually work for Golden Grahams. Though I guess there is some inherent rationale to this whole mess. The kind of people who can't handle getting a job probably are the same kind of people who would prefer to watch goofy animated videos online all day. And if you are watching animated videos all day, you probably have a child-like mind-state, whereby regularly consuming Golden Grahams is a perfectly logical meal choice. And awarding these people 12 boxes of Golden Grahams as a prize creates a "feedback loop" whereby these unemployable loons never fully progress to adulthood, allowing them to create more job search fail stories for Golden Grahams to animate, keeping these Golden Graham eaters watching online videos, assuring that they will be brainwashed into eating more Golden Grahams. It's so stupid it just might work! But seriously, Golden Grahams, you can't get away with calling 12 boxes of cereal a "grant." That's just insane. [via YepYep]
March 18, 2010 at 4:00pm
You Thought I Wasted Time on the Internet Before…Posted by: Mike Pomranz
It's my job to scour the Internet all day long, meaning I'm basically paid to waste time on the web, but come March, I definitely step it up a notch. Thanks to March Madness On Demand, you can stream every single NCAA game on your computer. And trust me: I plan on doing exactly that. See that window above. That'll be open on my computer constantly for at least the next two Thursdays and Fridays. It's not that I enjoy wasting time at work; it's that I have a severe gambling problem. Is gambling more important than work? Well, that depends on if Vanderbilt covers the spread…
March 18, 2010 at 12:00pm
Where Are the Perverts?!Posted by: Mike Pomranz
If you're like me — and I know a lot of you are, you unfunny jerks — you're constantly wondering which country has the highest percentage of perverts. (My guess would be somewhere in Central America.) Well, RJMetrics, "an on-demand database analytics and business intelligence startup" — I can hear the ladies clamoring — did an analysis of Chatroulette to determine exactly what countries had the highest percentage of CR pervs (as well as some additional less important information). Of the countries they looked at, the United Kingdom had the most perverts. Though the study could be skewed being that in the Netherlands stroking your dick in front of a webcam is considered "normal." The country with the lowest percentage of perversion: The United States. If that isn't a call to action to get your junk in front of a webcam, I don't know what is. Let's get back to #1, people! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! A couple more interesting stats for all you men out there: "You are more likely to encounter a webcam featuring no person at all than one featuring a solo female" and "You are twice as likely to encounter a sign requesting I'm glad to see the people over at RJMetrics have their head in the right place. The primary data they looked at while analyzing Chatroulette was whether or not they would see titties. Why was I not surprised when I saw that this guy to the right is the CEO of RJMetrics? Don't worry, RJ! You'll score one of these days! Maybe get out of your house for a change: Grab some beads and head down to Mardi Gras. [via TechCrunch]
March 18, 2010 at 11:00am
Video on WikipediaPosted by: Mike Pomranz
There's a new campaign afoot to bring video to Wikipedia. The website VideoOnWikipedia.org is actively encouraging people to add new videos to the site by including instructions on how to upload video and why they believe it is so important. This seems like a bad idea to me. One, you can't cut and paste video from Wikipedia into a report, thus making the life of every lazy student that much more difficult. Who wants to watch a video and transcribe? What a pain in the ass! Two, one of the beauties of Wikipedia is the back and forth of additions, changes and deletions that can happen — sometimes over the course of hundreds of iterations — before an article reaches that perfect balance of informativeness and objectivity. But if someone just plops down an 8 minute video, what's supposed to happen? People will download it and re-edit it or add a new voice over or add subtitles? Even worse, what about vandalism? It's one thing for some jerk to type "BALLS" into the middle of an article, but it's a totally different thing for someone to slip a clip of their balls into an otherwise legitimate looking Wikipedia video. Let's start a different campaign: Keep humans literate. More written word for everyone! Balls. [via Mashable]
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