Live at Gotham | Comedy Central

Judah writes horror books for children, ages 1 through 3. Because you're never too young to go through life scared.

Judah takes care of his body. He weightlifts weightlifters while they're lifting weights.

Everybody has their drink that knocked them into last week. Alex's is tequila. And it only took one pint glass.

The great thing about Americans is that when they get fat, they get really frickin' fat.

There aren't a lot of Hispanic people in England. Probably because it's a much longer swim.

Can you even imagine what it would be like to have to hear everything that your significant other thought?

You have to go to the Museum of Sex. You could end up hooking up with a couple people in the gift shop alone.

What do you do when you're making love to your lady and she falls out of bed? You do what you gotta do.

It's always good to go to job interviews with two resumes: regular and baffling. It makes the process less boring

The burglar might think you're there to kick his butt. But really you're just going for a late night snack.

Is not having an envelope handy is the thing that keeps most people from letters to each other?

Being the best man is kind of an honor. But being the ninth best man isn't quite an honorable.

Why did gay people have to steal the rainbow from everyone? Now we all have to think of two guys doing it when light refracts.

Who would boo Earth? It doesn't matter where you're from. Earth rocks! Have you seen Mars?

For some women, stealing a guy's happiness and smashing it on the ground is like going into the Final Four.

You ever get hit so hard, you wake up in a place that had nothing to do with where the fight started?

Bobby's dad has been in America for forty years, and he knows six words in English.

Racial tolerance only lasts so long with white friends. Before you know it, they're karate-chopping you.

Germans are definitely the creepiest people in the world. It always sounds like they're talking in rewind.

There's that moment in an evening of drinking, hanging out, having fun, when something happens. It's all downhill from there.