The Bearded Clam | Freak Show | Comedy Central
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The Bearded Clam | Freak Show | Comedy Central
The Bearded Clam
Raised by eco-friendly terrorists on a riverbed in Nashua, New Hampshire. Ran away from home at age sixteen to an Ashram in Ontario, where she met and fell in love with Nathan Lane, up-and-coming handlebar moustache designer (not to be confused with witty, urbane Broadway superstar). Lost virginity to said Lane in the back of a Green Tortoise bus.
Briefly jailed for role in fire-bombing of a Baskin Robbins in Tampa, FL. Released with the caveat of never enjoying delicious ice cream again. Ghostwriter for Hans Zelmond's "The Anarchist's Guide to the NFL".
Invested with the power of an acidic "Bitch Juice" which can eat through metals and render its victims stunned and annoyed. Is the key to the transmogrification process that she and the other freaks use. Knows three different forms of wok cooking.
Weaknesses include: anything on the Dischord label, organic/vegan pudding elderly Chinese men. Will suck your cock for five dollars.
In Summation: The Bearded Clam is dangerous, quick to anger, and actually not tremendously ugly in faint light.
Briefly jailed for role in fire-bombing of a Baskin Robbins in Tampa, FL. Released with the caveat of never enjoying delicious ice cream again. Ghostwriter for Hans Zelmond's "The Anarchist's Guide to the NFL".
Invested with the power of an acidic "Bitch Juice" which can eat through metals and render its victims stunned and annoyed. Is the key to the transmogrification process that she and the other freaks use. Knows three different forms of wok cooking.
Weaknesses include: anything on the Dischord label, organic/vegan pudding elderly Chinese men. Will suck your cock for five dollars.
In Summation: The Bearded Clam is dangerous, quick to anger, and actually not tremendously ugly in faint light.
