It's always better when a girl breaks up with a guy because then it's over in five minutes. Because then, the guy just says his peace, which is, 'You suck,' and that's it -- it's over. But when a guy breaks up with a girl, you need an entire afternoon for it because there's going to be questioning and witnesses and forms to fill out. You're girlfriend turns into a lawyer. She's like: 'Is it not true that you said we would be together forever?' 'I don't recall saying that.'
Watch highlights from the legendary comedian’s first stand-up special in 30 years.
We combed the nation for the next great stand-up star.
Unlimited streams and downloads of the best Comedy Central specials for just $5.
Stream hours of the best clips from our huge stand-up library on your iPhone or iPad for free.