She gave my penis an awesome nickname. I don't mean to brag, but she used to call my penis 'Microsoft.' I know, right? That's a huge company, dude. That's like one of the biggest, most powerful companies on the planet; it's got millions of employees. Actually, I'll be honest with you folks, before I came here tonight, I laid off a few million employees from Microsoft back at my hotel room.
Watch highlights from the legendary comedian’s first stand-up special in 30 years.
We combed the nation for the next great stand-up star.
Unlimited streams and downloads of the best Comedy Central specials for just $5.
Stream hours of the best clips from our huge stand-up library on your iPhone or iPad for free.