Every time I'm on the subway platform and it smells like sh*t, I want to grab someone. I just want to hold them by the collar and go, 'Guess why it smells like sh*t here? Guess why.' And right as they're staring back at me, just go, ''Cause a person sh*t here. A person did.' There's no stray dogs in this city. A human being was like, 'Yeah, right here. Good place.' Not even a f**king homeless guy, just a businessman, like, 'I'm not waiting. Not waiting. F**k it.'
Watch highlights from the legendary comedian’s first stand-up special in 30 years.
We combed the nation for the next great stand-up star.
Unlimited streams and downloads of the best Comedy Central specials for just $5.
Stream hours of the best clips from our huge stand-up library on your iPhone or iPad for free.