Q: What's the first joke you ever wrote?
A: Back in '77, I used to let people pick me up, and then I would puke on them. It was hilarious. I've gotten away from physical comedy since then.

Q: What is the source of your sense of humor?
A: Humor is how I cope with the unspeakable anguish of being a Phillies fan.

Q: In school, were you the class clown or quiet nerd?
A: I was the loud nerd.

Q: Is it better to be feared or loved on your way up the comedy ladder?
A: Feared. It's clear that many, many TV shows are greenlighted after death threats. But Machiavelli is so yesterday -- I base my career on Sun Tzu: "In crossing salt-marshes, your sole concern should be to get over them quickly, without any delay." Deep stuff.

Q: Your stardom: a karmic inevitability or old fashioned luck?
A: Luck - but we make our own luck. The main ingredient is triple sec.