Q: What's the first joke you ever wrote?
A: I masturbate so much that my bedsheets are like a starched mold of my naked erect body. I was 15 yrs old when I wrote that, so it was true.

Q: What is the source of your sense of humor?
A: For me, it is my brain. For an audience, I guess it would be my mouth.

Q: In school, were you the class clown or the quiet nerd?
A: I was the class mime.

Q: Is it better to be feared or loved on your way up the comedy ladder?
A: It is best to be feared by animals and loved by humans

Q: Your stardom: a karmic inevitability or old fashioned luck?
A: New fashioned notgoingtohappenness.