Born at the age of three in northern Illinois, Frank was already ahead of his time. Even on the day of his birth, Frank's two younger brothers knew something was funny. Before he could even speak, Frank's mother noticed him doing an incredible impersonation of a young Dudley Moore. Of course Frank's father reasoned that all babies sound like they are drunk and heave all over themselves, but that is not the point. This kid had something special. He seemed likely to perhaps have a chance to maybe someday possibly become questionably close to one of the funniest persons alive.

Naturally it was never fully discovered how gifted Frank was, until one day when an unidentified philosopher named John Hartz would declare Frank as "talent"; ...not "a talent", "with talent", or even "a talented individual", but simply as "talent". Never before had any man ever been labeled with such vague ambiguity. This incited Frank, and almost immediately he would establish thoughts about becoming a stand up comedian.

Of course Frank didn't always want to be a stand up comedian. At a youthful age, Frank boarded a train to head for baseball's spring training as a fireball left-hander with blazing speed. After a short stop in Iolla, where he struck out one of baseball's greatest players with three straight pitches, Frank re-boarded the train to meet a woman who with the pull of a trigger would knock him out of baseball for the next sixteen years.