Q: What's the first joke you ever wrote?
A: In kindergarten, I was really more of a prop act, by which I mean I got most of my attention from eating Elmer's glue and crayons. The weren't laughing at me, they were laughing with me. except that I was crying - and I had a Lego stuck in my nostril.

Q: What is the source of your sense of humor?
A: Being way smarter than everyone around me, and completely unable to win in a fistfight.

Q: In school, were you the class clown or quiet nerd?
A: The secret to my success is that I was both.

Q: Is it better to be feared or loved on your way up the comedy ladder?
A: In his first formulation of the Categorical Imperative, philosopher Immanuel Kant said to "Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law." Later, he advises to "Act in such a way that you always treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never simply as a means, but always at the same time as an end." In other words, I try not to be a douchebag.

Q: Your stardom: a karmic inevitability or old fashioned luck?
A: Success is like syphilis. At any given moment, your chances of catching it are fairly small. But if you keep at it long enough, you're bound to be rewarded eventually - or go crazy and die.